Navigating New Emotions

Today I’m 4 weeks and 5 days. I still have my pregnancy tests out on the bathroom counter, in case I forget I’m pregnant or something. So far I haven’t forgotten. I don’t know when I’ll throw the tests away; obviously it’s really gross to keep them on my counter forever, but right now it’s the only tangible proof I have that there’s a baby inside me. I keep thinking maybe those four tests are wrong and there’s something else that’s causing them to appear positive, because I don’t really have any pregnancy symptoms yet aside from feeling bloated and sensing some slight pressure in my lower abdomen. Basically, it just feels like I’m about to get my period.

I was in freak-out mode a little bit for the last few days, just because there’s so much responsibility that comes with having a baby. I’m told that my knee-jerk reaction is completely normal. I’m back to being really excited, but I’ve heard that it’s not uncommon to bounce back and forth from feeling excited to scared throughout the entire pregnancy. Minh, who had such a relaxed “it’ll happen when it happens” attitude toward trying, is now kind of freaking out.

The hardest part so far is the fact that we haven’t told anyone yet. I’m not sure if we should wait to see the baby in the sonogram before we tell family and friends. There are several pregnant women in the creative department at work, so I’m tempted to just shout out, “I’m pregnant too! Tell me your secrets to getting through morning sickness!” But I definitely want to wait to strategize the announcement a little bit.

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